The Happiness Project for February

The month of February is a time many people focus on love, whether they want to or not. Some people have a positive experience and others don’t. But whatever their experience, they are inundated with commercials, promotions, and discussions about love. I guess that’s why Gretchen Rubin, who thought up the Happiness Project, suggests focusing on love this month. 

I like the focus on love because it is one of the driving forces behind my desire to be debt free by forty. One of the bible verses that sums up what a Christian’s life should look like is John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another”. This doesn’t just apply to the person you are married to, engaged to, or are dating. This applies to every person in your life, whether it is family, friends, or strangers.

Gretchen’s tips for this month are giving proofs of love, fighting right, and not expecting praise or appreciation. Gretchen’s tips to fight right and not to expect praise or appreciation are a form of giving proofs of love. It is ok to disagree with a spouse or friend…it is hard to grow if there isn’t something pushing you to assess your views and beliefs. What is not ok is tearing someone down verbally because they don’t agree with you. What better way to give a proof of love than to do something for another person without expecting anything in return? That is the type of love that echoes the ultimate gift of love we received from Christ when he chose to give His life for ours.

Here are a few of the ways I am going to show proofs of love this month:

Give my husband a back massage. Mr. DFx40 is very physically active. He tries to run 30-40 miles every week. He is in nursing school so he is regularly on his feet for 12 hours or more each day. This is something I can do for him without expecting him to do anything in return.

Send a card to my mother. Mother DFx40 is stressed out this month because Little Brother DFx40 is getting married. His future wife is great, and this is something the entire family has been looking forward to. However, she has taken on a lot of activities by herself and I know she would greatly appreciate a handwritten note over a quick text or phone call.

Make a favorite meal for Cousin DFx40. He has been making great progress, but still feels very guilty about the circumstances that have him living with us. He also worries about the burden he thinks he puts on us. I know that he could use an extra portion of love this month. I plan on making his favorite dinner and telling him I’m proud of him for the growth he’s shown.

What about you…how can you increase your happiness by focusing on Love this month?

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For future topics and past entries on my Happiness Project, see the list below.
January – Energy
February – Love
March – Work
April – Money
May – Mindfulness
June – Order
July – Spirit
August – Fun
September – Family
October – Friends
November – Attitude
December – Boot Camp Perfect

Home Downsizing

I’ve got a little secret to share. I am in love  obsessed intrigued by the small house movement. I visit small house websites, I read about not so big houses, shoot, I even draw my own small house plans. What is it that has me so enamored?

Family - My grandmother grew up in a small house with no indoor plumbing and a shared bedroom for the kids. Mr. DFx40 and Cousin DFx40 both shared bedrooms with their older brothers. In a small home if it is going to work you have to learn to communicate with your family, which is definitely a good thing. You can’t have good relationships without good communication.

Sustainable - It doesn’t take much common sense to realize that a smaller house uses less material and causes less waste when being built. They also use less energy to heat and cool. And if you do happen to live in a small home and you want to update to be more energy efficient, it takes a lot less material to do that also!

Money - Smaller House = Smaller Mortgage. If that isn’t enough to convince you, take a look at this…Smaller House = Smaller Bills. Enough said.

Time - It takes me long enough to clean and maintain a 1300 square foot home. When I think about adding bathrooms and other rooms to clean, I start to hyperventilate. And if you haven’t figured this one out yet, a smaller home (and a smaller mortgage) equals less time at work to pay for it. That aligns perfectly with my motivation to be debt free by forty.

These reasons were enough to motivate a few conversations about downsizing from our huge (ha) 1300 square feet house. We realized there were plenty of advantages to doing so. What made us decide to stay put? Two of the same things that has me so in love  obsessed intruged with small houses!

Money - Our current mortgage is far from unbearable. We bought a house for around 70% of what the bank offered to loan us three years ago, which was based on my income alone. We could still comfortably afford it on half of our current income. That is with me working full time and Mr. DFx40 working about 12 hours a week while he finishes school. We decided the extra $200-$300 a month we could save by downsizing wasn’t worth the three years of equity we would lose or the stress of moving.

Family - As some of you know, Cousin DFx40 moved in with us in September. What none of you know is that another Cousin DFx40 will be staying with us for a few weeks in March. She and her husband will be moving from Mexico (he is a citizen of Mexico) to the town we live in, and she needs a place to stay while she looks for a car and an apartment. If we downsized we would miss out on a lot of opportunities to help out the people we love.

What about you…what size house/apartment do you live in? How many people share that space with you? Would you ever consider going smaller?

Christmas Spending

Well guys, its two weeks before Christmas, and I’m going to be finishing up my shopping this weekend. After our first two years of marriage, Mr. DFx40 and I realized that we needed to prepare a little better for Christmas. So our third year of marriage we started saving $25 a month for Christmas related expenses. We also accumulate $100-$150 in cashback on our credit card every year. That makes our Christmas budget $400-450, but we rarely spend that much. This year we will be buying presents for 32 people this year, and here are a few tips on how we keep our costs down:

Couples Gifts
My brother and his fiancé love movies. More specifically, they love Disney movies. For them we will purchase one or two movies that we know they want. Then we will add popcorn, hot chocolate, or some other edible gift to round it out. This will cost between $20-$30.
Last year we stumbled across some deeply discounted wine in June. We paired these with books, movies, and other edible gifts for the couples we knew would appreciate the wine. Because we had the ability to purchase the wine early, we were able to spend $20-$25 on each couple.

Picture Exchange
My aunt suggested a great idea a few years ago. Every three years when we get together we exchange pictures as our gift. These pictures mean more than a gift because we only get to see them 2 times a year. This year we took our pictures at our local Botanic Gardens, which were free to visit. They also allow amateur photos if you don’t use a tripod. We have a printer that prints good quality photos (most printers do these days) so the only substantial cost here is buying a frame for each family. Because we all knew the arrangement, we were able to look for discounted frames throughout the year.

Draw Names
This is what the adults did on Mr. DFx40’s side of the family when there were 15 people to buy presents for instead of 5. It worked great because everyone bought gifts for the three children, but only one adult gift. This meant we could spend $30-$40 on a good gift (or less, we changed the limit over time) and still save money over buying 15 cheap $5 gifts.

Christmas Gift Exchange Game
We play the Christmas gift exchange game at our office’s Christmas party every year. The limit is $10 so most of the time we purchase edible items and just work it into the food budget. When I was younger we got together with my father’s first cousins (16 people) and played this game. Because of that experience, I can offer some advice. This game might not work with young children who don’t understand why their gift is being “stolen.”

Just Visit
I believe that the reason Thanksgiving is so awesome is because you get together with family, eat, play games, have fun, and don’t have to worry about presents. Sometimes I actually enjoy Thanksgiving more than Christmas because of this. There is nothing wrong with getting together and not giving presents. However, if you’re like my mother and can’t (or won’t?) bear the thought of Christmas with no gifts, consider the next tip.

Adopt a family
We were very blessed this year and we were able to adopt a local family with our bible study group. The family is made up of 9 children ranging from 2 months to 15 years old. The two youngest children live with their mother and the other 7 children live with their grandparents. We were able to purchase each child a pair of jeans, three shirts, pajamas, and stocking stuffers. We also bought each child a bible with his or her name engraved on it, a few family games, and a restaurant gift card and free night of babysitting for the grandparents. There were ten of us to split the costs, so we were able to come up with the money pretty painlessly. This will be the most rewarding and appreciated gift I have ever given.

What about you…how does your family handle gift exchanges? Have you ever gone the non-traditional route and not given presents?

Would You Take a Roomate?

There is a reason things have been vacant around here for the last three weeks. Mr. DFx40 and I became roommates with my 20 year old cousin last month. Before you make too many assumptions, let me give you a little more information about the situation.

His Situation
Cousin DFx40 always impressed me when we were growing up. He had a job throughout high school to pay for a used car he was bought from his parents and to pay for his insurance. He had this job while being heavily involved in more than one extracurricular activity. The reason this impressed me is because I didn’t have my first job (outside of babysitting) until my freshman year in college. My parents also supplied me with a used car they were through with and paid for my insurance. Cousin DFx40’s parents were divorced when he was pretty young, and he didn’t get much direction before or after he graduated from high school. After his first year of college he dropped out because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, and he didn’t want to take out more student loans until he figured it out. He found a job that offered more hours and moved in with another family member. Then he got himself into a little trouble when he lost his job and didn’t tell anyone for 3 months. When his parents and his roommates parents found out, they confronted him about it and gave him a few choices. Move home, move in with aunt and uncle, or move in with us.

Our Situation
You might think we’re a little off to offer a spare room to Cousin DFx40 based on his previous record. But when we sat down and really thought about the decision we realized there were many more reasons in favor of letting him stay with us than against.

We understand his frustration. Even though both of our parents helped with out with out insurance while we were in school, we did marry young and we both paid (and are still paying) our way through college. We knew how overwhelming it could feel, and we still feel overwhelmed at times when we look at how far we still have to go.

We are in control of our finances. If our electric bill or food bill goes up drastically before he is able to pitch in we will still be able to fit it into our budget. And because we have been able to pay off so much of our debt, build our savings, and pay cash for Mr. DFx40’s current tuition, we will be able to give him some tips and teach him how to manage his finances.

We have plenty of spare room. We live in a 3 bedroom house (not counting a large game room with walk-in-closet) and we have an extra bathroom. That is more than enough space for all of us to have privacy whenever we want (or need). There will be times when it might get a little cramped, but I think we were created as social creatures and we need daily human interaction.

He is family, and I love him. Enough said.

Your Situation
I will be the first to tell you that although our situation is going smoothly (so far), having a roommate is not for everyone. You may have small children in your house, you may not have an extra room, or you may not know anyone to share an apartment or house with. In this case I suggest you look for other ways to save or make money. But if you are in a position similar to ours, you have the extra room, and you know someone well who needs a place to stay I say go for it. But I do have a few suggestions.

Agree on things before they move in. Decide on things like how much you are going to charge for rent and if that number will cover any increase in utilities. Also think about food. In our situation we are buying and preparing food for him, so we will include this in our rent. He is welcome to eat out whenever he wants, but he has yet to choose that option.

Put something in writing. This is just as important for you as it is for the landlord of an apartment complex. If something goes wrong between you and your roommate, this will be a very important document to have. If things don’t go wrong, it is still good to look at every once in a while to remember what everyone agreed to. I suggest reviewing it regularly to make sure everyone’s needs are still being met.

Learn to be forgiving and always get a second opinion. Sometimes with roommates (especially family) feelings get hurt. Learn to forgive and learn to talk to someone you trust about the situation before any confrontation. I have already discussed a few situations with my parents to determine if I was overreacting or justified in my feelings. It is nice to have some input from a neutral party.

What about you…have you (or would you) ever had to take a roommate? What steps would you take to make sure everything went smoothly?